Contemplation #3 - Thanks, Socrates

 

Well, thanks for that bit of encouragement, Socrates.

 

The Twelfth Day of Christmas occurs tomorrow, the unofficial signal that the holiday season has come to an end, the decorations should be put away, and the twinkly lights turned off. There are smatterings of decorations and lights for various celebration coming up, but basically, January starts the “let’s get serious” time of year. Since I have already designated 2024 as the ramp up to my 70^th birthday, complete with resolutions to stop thinking about “who I could be” and start focusing on “who I am,” I’m starting off the countdown with a stream-of-consciousness assessment of “where I am.”

1.     Career/job/hobby

a.     I am a still full-time employee who is also working 2 other gigs on the side.

b.     Is the necessity of the money from one source preventing success with the other gigs?

c.     Since those other gigs live in the “who I could be” world, do I give them up?

d.     Conclusion: Who I am in this realm

                                               i.     I am staying employed to support myself.

                                             ii.     I am doing other activities because they fulfill my purpose.

                                            iii.     I am not giving up, but I am reassessing cost/benefit realities.

2.     My roles/emotions/responsibilities

a.     I am feeling the love of a mother, a grandmother, a life partner, a friend, a woman, a citizen.

b.     I am feeling the pain of ostracism, exclusion, disrespect, and grief.

c.     I am responsible for my own happiness, satisfaction, and contentment, as well as managing disappointment, failure, sadness, and anger.

d.     Conclusion: Who I am in this realm

                                               i.     I am accepting my multifaceted roles.

                                             ii.     I am also accepting the roles that have been thrust on me.

                                            iii.     I am living in the present, taking care of my resilience in both good times and bad.

 

What does this tell me about myself? Each one of these conclusions are tiny, young, plants just bursting through the soil, feeling sunlight for the first time, and attached to long, deep, multi-branching roots.

 

This is only the start. Who knows what I will end up doing with this, maybe some insight into my life as lived, maybe a philosophical diatribe, maybe a pie-throwing contest.

 

Even the greats aren’t sure.

 

Knowing yourself is the beginning of all wisdom.

Aristotle

 

 

The examined life is no picnic.

Robert Fulghum