The "Retirement" Conundrum

 

The reality of retirement vanished for me the day my divorce was finalized. I didn’t understand the implications at the time, as I was too busy learning how to support four of us on 50% of what five had previously lived with. I needed to replace a home, a car, and unhappily, a different job that paid more.

The concept of living “paycheck to paycheck” was my daily reality – even with child support. My eyes still burn with tears remembering how I had to sell the townhouse I bought for us. As small as it was (my “bedroom” was actually in the unfinished basement), the mortgage, HOA fees, and utilities quickly overwhelmed me. I added a second job, which created some amount of chaos for my teenage children who were already suffering from the loss of security.  The house I intended to buy was even smaller, but at least it was a single family with a yard. But again, only an unfinished basement would serve as an additional bedroom. Still, we had plans.

The night before the closings on the sale of the townhouse and the purchase of the bungalow I got news that our “new” home was actually not available to buy. The title was not clear, the seller had no right to sell the house, but according to law, had 30 days to solve the legal issues. I stood in the empty townhouse, with our dog, and the sleeping bag I had used the night before, in shock.

First came the uncomfortable conversation with my ex-husband, who had agreed to let the kids stay with him for the transition from one home to another. Then came the call to the movers, who already had all our furniture, to not deliver it, but now start to store it.

I got in my car with the dog to go to the closing of the townhouse and realized that I was homeless. Sure, there was some profit from the sale of the townhouse, but that was supposed to be the down payment on the bungalow. Eventually those funds would decrease significantly over the next months, in order to board the dog in a kennel, pay for a room for myself in a motel, and the storage fees for all our belongings. Feeling put-upon for housing his children, their father stopped paying child support without notifying the court, who later on would not look favorably on that. In the meantime, my children and I had no legal addresses or residency. They were in an educational vacuum zone.

Four months later I closed on an even smaller house. This one didn’t have a basement, so my bedroom became a daybed in the living room. The house needed lots of repairs. It was a roof over our heads and a legal address for school, but I don’t think my kids ever called it home. I called it the Money Pit.

Looking back on those years, I recall watching every dime. All of my kids took part time jobs during high school so they could afford things they wanted or needed. Prom clothes, cell phones, sneakers. I found a better-paying job but was still living paycheck to paycheck. Eventually I was back to having two jobs.

The years went on. The layoff of my whole department after 8 years at that “new job” I took. Almost lost the house, terrified to be homeless again. Finally got another full-time job at a huge pay decrease. This job provided a 401K and I did my best to contribute something. The little something then had to be taken out when the crawl space under the house filled with water and I had to have a complete draining and sump pump system installed. I would tell friends they could come visit my newest home improvement under the house.

The years went on. A new car, and car payment. A new roof, a huge dead tree, fixing the kitchen, fixing the bathroom – no luxuries, just basic home maintenance.  Age 60 passed. Age 65 passed, and I started to get social security. I continued to work the full-time job as well as freelancing. For the first time in my life, I did not feel like I was living paycheck to paycheck. Had some vacation time at the Jersey Shore. Visited my adult children who now lived very far away. Built a porch on the back of the tiny house with the understanding that, it is actually home to me, after 27 years of denying it.

At no time have I ever consider being able to fully retire. I still have a mortgage and property taxes to pay.  I dreamed that my freelance work would grow enough that I could at least leave the full-time job. Right now, it looks like I need to sunset that freelance work and get rid of all the books, paperwork, and paraphernalia. I need to empty my house via garage sales and donations. Age 70 is months away. Reality is HERE. There is no more time left for dreaming of “someday” leisure. It ain’t gonna happen.

 Image by jodeng from Pixabay

 

 Thoughts Along The Sunset Road

I’ve done it. Finished another personal project and sent it out into the world. I have great satisfaction in seeing it through. Yet, there is a nagging part of my brain that is getting louder and louder. The realistic part that lays out my years of creative work and how it really hasn’t amounted to much – just a combination of dreaming and ego-stroking. And yes, I have felt pleasure and a sense of accomplishment. However, as I see the sun setting over my road, there is a certain reality that cannot be ignored.

In 2010 I started on a path that was fueled by the discovery of the importance of laughter. Over that summer I attended 3 events that lit a creative fire in my brain. I threw myself into it, eager to share what I had found out. There was fun and there was joy. However, trying to elevate the work into a profession was hit or miss. Numerous unpaid presentations were offered to me. In my eagerness to please I ended up spending money on signage, giveaways and travel. I spent additional money attending expensive conferences and taking tables at local events – both promoting my laughter programs and selling books. Well, the books were for sale. Few sold. I can’t remember anyone booking a program from these efforts either, although, through intense efforts, I have a handful of paid presentations every year, and a few probono events.

Meanwhile, other creative efforts surfaced. There is my digital art photography – some of it award winning. A few sold.  However, I have probably spent hundreds, maybe even thousands, to support my “creative endeavors,” including publishing my own books. All have given me satisfaction and a sense of pride. None have paid the bills.

It may be possible that the speaking pinnacle was achieved with a Keynote Speakership in 2022, and I am now heading down the other side of the mountain, my backpack full of creative tchotchkes.

Originally, the dream was, this “business” would allow me to retire from full-time work, providing enough income to supplement social security and savings. As I approach my 70^th birthday some of that wisdom that comes with age is bearing fruit. If I died tomorrow, what would be done with all these mostly useless piles of unsold artwork and books, as well as the truckload of research materials, posters and promotional materials? Who would ever be interested in my multiple terabyte drives full of PowerPoint presentations, handout materials and websites? I've had a fun run with this stuff, but unlike my distant cousin, Ray Bradbury, no one is going to take everything from my office and rebuild it in a museum. And with my children scattered in various parts of the country, with families and creative interests of their own, there is not going to be a sentimental family gathering to divide up Mom's "stuff," especially all the things in what I call my writing office.

I am now contemplating the idea of bowing out on my own terms rather than letting illness, senility or death decide how the story ends. A garage sale, a shredder and a dumpster are going to be my best friends.  Maybe I'll have a big bonfire on my 70^th birthday.  Stay tuned. 

 

"What Gets You Out of Bed in the Morning?" Renewal, Revision, Reinvention:

Press Release for "What Gets You Out of Bed in the Morning?" by Noreen Braman

 

 

 

PRESS RELEASE

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE

CONTACT: Noreen Braman, CLWI

732-874-2845

 

 

“What Gets You Out of Bed in the Morning?

Local Speaker and Author Releases Handbook for Finding Purpose

 

(Jamesburg, NJ) September 1, 2024 – Noreen Braman, an author from Jamesburg New Jersey, who grew up in East Brunswick, announces the release of her newest book, “What Gets You Out of Bed in the Morning?” a handbook and self-contained independent study for discovering, or rediscovering, your personal mission and vision.

Braman is an Instructor at the Osher Lifelong Learning Institute at Rutgers University, providing well-being subjects for participants aged 50 and older. She learned that many participants were taking classes at OLLI-RU to experience new things, return to interests previously left behind and for some, attain some skill or knowledge about maintaining meaning in life.

“No matter what our stage of life, from being a young career striver through retirement years, we face life changes, some of them coming about without your choice or control. Especially, the journey through midlife and beyond can be an unsettling time. For some, the intense career striving has cooled, or the twists and turns of life may have led to a very different place than originally planned. Feeling adrift may lead to depression, during a time most expect to be flourishing. As parts of life slow down and change, it creates the perfect opportunity to re-examine one’s sense of meaning and purpose, to create fresh vision for the road that lies ahead,” Braman writes in her book.

She also notes that the title of this handbook takes inspiration from the Japanese word “ikigai,” which is sometimes loosely translated as “a reason to get out of bed in the morning.” The cover of the book reflects a humorous depiction of a stick figure jumping out of bed into the light of a smiling sun. As a Certified Laughter Wellness Instructor, and a Chief Well-Being Officer candidate, Braman uses an encouraging lighthearted touch all through the book.

Previous work by Braman includes “Treading Water – The Pandemic Edition” and “A Bouquet of Roses.” Other work can be found on Medium.com, 30seconds.com, and smilesideoflife.com. She is a contributing author to the recent book, “UNSHELTERED-None of Us Are Home Until All of Us Are Home (Unsheltered Book Series).”

Braman’s books are available at Amazon,  Everand, Lulu, and others.

For more information or interviews, Noreen Braman can be reached at info@njlaughter.com or 732-874-2845. Please leave a message if no answer. The website for both Braman’s books and Well-Being services, go to: www.njlaughter.com.